An Open Letter to Wives of Porn Addicts

The Apology Letter

I wrote this letter back in February 2017, and Covenant Eyes posted it at the beginning of March. This letter had a huge impact for a lot of women dealing with their husband’s pornography use.

I can only post a part of the letter here, but you can read the rest over on the Covenant Eyes blog.

 


 

On behalf of myself and the other husbands addicted to porn, I am sorry. We have given your place to another and it is wrong. You knew some men struggle with this; you just didn’t think it would be your man. There are no justifications for our actions. We try to justify, but these are only excuses.

I am sorry we’ve blamed you for our addiction. Instead of owning our actions, we have gotten defensive and angry. In time we may realize how far away this is from the truth. You’re not to blame. It is not your fault. We chose to turn away from you and God to follow the lust of our hearts.

I know this is painful for you. The person who stood before many people and professed his faithful love at the altar has betrayed your marriage through porn, lust, and lying. You did nothing to deserve this behavior, no matter what he tells you.
We lied, thinking we were protecting you from a situation we couldn’t handle on our own. Always thinking we’d get clean, we just needed a little more time. But the lies still hurt and the problem still grew–and damaged–like a cancer.

I am so sorry for how you found out. Maybe it was expected, but you really didn’t think it was this bad. And when he told you, or more likely, when you found out–he turned it back on you. He started talking about your sex life or your appearance or something else—anything else—to distract you from his sins.

 


 

Sorry, I can’t share more, but I want to honor CE’s request to only print 250 words from the post. Please go read this letter. If you want to share it with your wife, please make sure to tell her it is not your original work.