How to End Isolation
If you are anything like me, you may have noticed a connection between your porn use and isolation. Like, you are on a business trip and you have no one to hang-out with. Or, your family is out for the evening and you are home alone. Possibly, you’re invited out with friends but decide to stay home instead. Sometimes, others leave you alone and sometimes you choose to be alone. Either way you’re isolated.
A friend called this “caged dog syndrome”.
This panic-y feeling came over me of what do I do? What do I do?
And I consumed porn.
I don’t know what drove me to a place of feeling like my world was coming apart, just because I was alone. Oh, I know abandonment issues. That’s what some people say caused it. Deal with those issues and you will be fine.
Addicts tend to isolate. I don’t want anyone interrupting my “me time”. The first red flag for falling off the wagon is pulling away from other people.
I am all for you having some “me time”, eventually, in fact I think it is healthy.
But, you got to have a strategy.
Until your strategy is in place and working you need to stay connected. Schedule your time with your wife or girlfriend or whoever, so if you are going to be alone for any amount of time, you have someone else with you. You want to get sober, and stay sober, right. You don’t have to tell the other person why you want to hang-out, just do it.
This may be terribly uncomfortable for you. How uncomfortable is it to confess going back to the porn?
You wanted How not Why
Back to the strategy. Find something you can do in a “safe” environment, meaning no triggers. Maybe you schedule your appointments to coincide with your THE ONE‘s schedule. Or you find the “Honey Do” list you’ve put off and get some of it done to stay busy and preferably outside.
But what about my business trips, you ask? And I’m glad you did, Rusty.
What THE ONE and I did was – we had dates over the phone. I am not talking phone-sex. We got two copies of the same movie and ate dinner while watching the film together over the phone.
Low tech, probably a little corny, but it helped, both of us.
The significant person in your life needs to know you are taking your sobriety seriously, so be willing to be an idiot for them.
I have some other thoughts on this particular problem, but you will think I am insane for what I did.
Maybe something insane is what you need to do, you didn’t worry about your self-image when you were watching porn; why are you worried about it now?